Planning the guest list - so you don't break the bank
Wedding planning, for most of us (royalty and celebrities aside) is largely about how to make our dream day a huge success whilst working within a limited budget. The most obvious way to get more wow for your money is to keep the guest list relatively modest. Narrowing down the numbers, however, is stressful. In this post we give some guidance about how best to approach awkward questions about who to invite…and who to leave out.
Prepare a preliminary guest list
You and your partner should sit down and write your preferred list. Don’t involve anyone else at this stage. Start the list with immediate family, then add more distant relatives you really want to have there. After that add those best friends without whom you can’t imagine tying the knot.
Involve the parents
Share your preliminary list with both sets of parents. This is where it probably starts to get tricky because they will have some must-invites you hadn’t considered (and aren’t that bothered about!). Traditional etiquette suggests that if you invite one uncle or aunt you should invite them all. The same goes for cousins and second cousins. If you are not consistent with this you’ll have some awkward questions to answer. If you are both from small families this won’t be too much of an issue. But with a big extended family you could find relatives taking every available place!
Both sides of the family get an equal share of extras
Once you’ve agreed all the family invitations ask your parents who else they’d like to invite – they will have best friends they’d dearly like to include. However, give them a fixed number, the same for both sides of the family, and make it clear that there are no more seats available.
Children – yes or no?
This is your call. If you want to include kids that’s fine but if you prefer an adults only occasion that’s also entirely up to you. If you go for the latter option make sure you allow no exceptions otherwise there will definitely be some bad feeling.
Couples whose wedding you recently attended?
There’s no hard and fast rule. If you went to a friend’s wedding five years ago then you're not obliged to return the favour (even if you were a bridesmaid). If the wedding was in the last year or two then you’d better add them to your list (especially if you or your partner was in the wedding party).
Photo by Heather Mount on Unsplash
Plus-One’s – what’s the protocol?
In the past there was a “no ring, no bring” rule, meaning you could only attend with another if they were engaged or married to you. Times, however, have changed. Today’s etiquette is less strict. You don’t have to offer every one of your guests a plus-one invite. However, if they’re in a serious relationship of any sort (dating, living together, engaged, etc.), their partner should be included.
Questions to help you arrive at the right number
Once you start narrowing down the list there will be some people you are not sure whether to include or not. Ash yourselves:
Have I ever met this person?
Brides and grooms are frequently introduced to people for the first time at their own wedding. Sounds crazy, but they are usually distant relatives or work associates of a parent. You won’t want to include them, but you risk upsetting a mum or dad if you don’t!
When did I last see them?
If the answer is 12 to 18 months ago, or longer, then (unless they live a long distance away and you have had a lengthy telephone conversation in that time frame) you probably shouldn't include them.
Did I go to their wedding?
It depends on how recent that wedding was (see above). If the wedding was recent and you weren’t invited then you probably shouldn’t include them. If it was recent and you attended then you better invite them in return.
Photo by Jason Goodman on Unsplash
We work together but are we really close friends?
OK, we spend a lot of time together but that’s just the nature of the job. Do we see them outside of work? If one of us leaves will we still keep up the relationship?
Do I go away for holidays and share birthday celebrations with them?
If the answer is “yes” then they probably need to be on your guest list.
Are we inviting the rest of their family?
Inviting two cousins you get on well with but leaving out their sibling is likely to upset someone!
Do I enjoy their company?
If you have some people who are on your “maybe” list cross off the ones you don’t click with.
Photo by Katarzyna Grabowska on Unsplash
Are they a positive or negative sort of person?
Do they light up the room when they arrive…or when they leave?!
If we moved away, would we stay in touch?
This is a really good question that will help you judge just how deep the relationship is.
That’s the guest list sorted – what next?
These tips and questions will hopefully help you whittle your guest list down to a point where it fits comfortably with your budget. If there are any other aspects of wedding planning you are struggling with just give us a call. The team here have a wealth of experience they are happy to share!