How to cope with the stress of planning a wedding in the time of Covid
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Planning a wedding is stressful at the best of times. But these are not the best of times. Lockdown has put over 70,000 weddings in the UK on hold and although ceremonies and receptions are taking place again there are severe restrictions in place, including limits on number of guests. The team at Clevedon Hall is doing its utmost to help couples reschedule and plan accordingly but we realise that the uncertainty around the situation is adding a degree of anxiety that was not there before. In this post we share some thoughts around how you can take everything in your emotional stride and minimise your anxiety levels.
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Don’t fight your feelings
If you’re feeling stressed, depressed, confused, overwhelmed, angry or any other strong emotion, it’s important to acknowledge this and give yourself time to process these sensations. If you deny those feelings, or bury them, they’ll just resurface later – probably even stronger than before. You need to “get those feelings out there” otherwise they’ll just fester. Talking to a supportive friend or relative can be a big help – have a good old moan (possibly over a bottle of wine!) then move on.
Having said that, moving on from your negative feelings may not mean your ready to move on with your plans. Don’t let friends and relatives rush you into rebooking until you are ready - remind them that you need some time to work through what is happening and that you won’t move on until you feel the time is right.
Try not to dwell on the negatives
Be aware of your feelings and the way your mind is working. You’ll probably recognise two different voices in your head – a negative one and a positive one. When you are stressed it’s all too easy to let the negative one take over. The way to combat this is to acknowledge what the negative one is saying but then focus on, and encourage, the positive one. Think of all the good things in your life, make a list of them, and keep looking at it – build on your feelings of gratitude and the worries will start to seem small by comparison. The fact you are planning a wedding is something massive to be happy about, even if making it happen in the immediate future may be presenting a few challenges!
Also, every cloud has a silver lining – you just have to look for it. So, your wedding may be delayed. But that gives you longer to plan it and longer to save for it, so it’ll probably be an even bigger and better event as a result! Or delaying your wedding may allow you to get on the housing ladder a bit earlier and put you in a much netter place when tying the knot becomes less fraught with difficulties.
Be more accepting, flexible and bold
It’s not easy to stay calm and chilled when your best laid plans are trashed by things outside your control. But it’s worth reminding yourself that stressing about stuff you can’t change is not only pointless but counterproductive.
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The Serenity Prayer should help you with this mental tussle:
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
So getting angry at the Chinese, the government or the fact that there are no available Saturdays at your chosen venue thanks to all the other couples desperate for a weekend wedding is not going to help your state of mind. You can’t change any of this, so just accept it.
However, what you can change is the day of the week and get wed on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. You just need the courage to make that decision! Focusing on the stuff you have control over, and just accepting all the other stuff that you cannot influence, will put you in a much better frame of mind.
Try writing a journal
Going back to a previous point another great way to get your feelings “out there” is to start writing a journal or diary. The mere process of writing down your thoughts, feelings and emotions can be tremendously useful for helping you sort through these things and cope with periods of high stress, sadness or anxiety related to your rescheduled wedding. It can help you make sense of chaotic times and it can be a safe and private place to dump of all those negative feelings.
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Take your mind off matrimony
If the whole topic of your wedding is stressing you out just get busy in other areas of your life. Physical exercise, whether that’s running, cycling, walking or a Joe Wicks workout is a great way to reduce stress and anxiety. There are also many ways to take your mind off the things that are winding you up – meditation, mindfulness, painting, reading, baking bread, taking a course and binge-watching your favourite shows will all help to break the cycle of stress and anxiety you would otherwise be feeling. You can’t change the situation but you can change how you choose to spend your time.
Get professional help
Even before Covid came along times were stressful and many people were already turning to therapists and life coaches to help them rise to the challenges. If you are planning a wedding under the current awkward circumstances it makes a lot of sense to enlist the support of an independent and non-judgemental person – it’ll take a lot of pressure off you and mean you are not having to rely so heavily on close family and friends for emotional support.
We’re here for you too
The team at Clevedon Hall are not therapists of life coaches but they do have a wealth of professional experience when it comes to wedding planning – and they are happy to offer advice and support for free. If you want a sounding board for your ideas or need expert advice just call!