How to give a great groom's speech
All eyes are on you…and it had better be good!
Are you a groom that’s getting all hot under the collar about the speech you’ll have to give at the wedding breakfast? Or are you a bride to be who’s nervous that your fiancé might make a mess of it? Fear not – here are some quick tips to make sure everything goes swimmingly!
How to kick it off
The groom’s speech traditionally comes directly after the father of the bride’s speech – so an easy way to start is by complimenting him on his efforts.
Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash
Once you’ve done that don’t launch into a long and formal introduction to your speech. In the next couple of lines try to get everyone laughing. A great groom speech should, amongst other things, be entertaining and fun – and you want to set this tone as early as possible. Get a few laughs early on and everyone will relax – including you!
Don’t forget the main point
The groom’s speech is an opportunity to acknowledge what a big occasion this and to thank all those people who have played an important role in getting you to this point in your life. It’s also an opportunity to talk about the person you have been lucky enough to marry and to pay your respects to her family and friends.
Jokes – do’s and don’ts
Your speech is a bit of a balancing act. You have to do some important formal things, like thanking a number of key people and acknowledging the serious side of the occasion. But you also have to amuse and entertain.
When telling jokes, or amusing stories, make sure they are appropriate – it’s not clever to embarrass anyone. Also, if you try too hard to be funny this can backfire. Amusing stories about how you met your wife, or funny things that happened to you before you met her, probably go down well (but don’t make them too long).
It’s also good to throw in little asides that are timely and personal (but not too personal). For instance, you could remark that your wife’s (yes, remember to refer to her as your wife – you are married now!) ‘prosecco posse’ have already started chatting up the bar staff and the fact that your mates look much better in suits than tight Lycra cycling gear.
Whilst your speech is not a chance to launch into a full stand-up comedy routine you should also beware of making it a dry and boring list of thank-yous. Mix it up so there’s a balance of humour and sincere stuff.
Giving thanks
As already mentioned it’s the grooms job to thank the group and then pick out particular individuals or couples. You should thank everyone for coming and helping to make it such a special day. You should also thank your parents and the bride’s parents. Next on the list is your best man and the ushers, along with the maid of honour and the bridesmaids.
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Although you don’t want to make the number of thank-yous so long that you name-check half the guest list you must make sure you don’t miss anyone who has made a special contribution. If your auntie has made a fantastic cake, uncle Derek has lent his vintage Bentley as the Bridal car or your new sister-in-law did the flowers then you need to acknowledge them.
When thanking parents and parents-in-law be sure to give them equal mention. Some grooms fall into the trap of waxing lyrical about the latter for a full minute whilst giving their own parents just one sentence
Don’t forget your wife(!)
Whilst making everyone laugh, and making sure you thank all the right people, you must not forget the most important person in your life – your new wife. If you don’t make sufficient efforts in this direction you are inviting a heap of trouble. Your wife, to say nothing of her family and friends, expect you to heap praise on her big time. It’s a once-in-a lifetime opportunity to pile up a heap of brownie points…so don’t waste it!
Having said that, don’t just settle for a string of clichés. As well as complimenting her on how beautiful she looks on this most special of days you need to think hard about what makes her unique and all those quirky little things you particularly love about her. She, and all those who also love her, are keenly watching and listening to check how well you understand her and appreciate what makes her so special. Make it sincere, not cheesy!
Your objective is to make your new wife the star of the show so it’s best to get all the other stuff, the jokes, the stories and the thank-yous out of the way first then concentrate solely on your beloved and how much she means to you.
It’s traditional that the groom’s speech ends with a toast to the bridesmaids and a nod to the best man. However, this is maybe not the best idea. Some advise that you toast the bridesmaids earlier, as you thank them, and then keep your final words for singing the praises of your wife.
Don’t go on for too long
About eight minutes is the perfect length for a groom’s speech. Any shorter and it may look like you have not taken it seriously enough. Any longer and the guests’ attention will begin to wander. That means eight minutes of actual talking with a couple of minutes for laughter, applause and heckles.
You also need to be aware that yours is not the only speech – you don’t want to come across as someone who likes the spotlight too much. Don’t get too bogged down in detail (because half the audience won’t be following that closely anyway). Recounting how you know each of the ushers individually, with a story too match, is “too much information”. A word count of about 1,350 is about right.
Coping with nerves
If you plan and prepare properly, and you are sure you have a great speech that ticks all the right boxes, then nerves should be less of an issue. It’s important to practice and a good tip is to film yourself using your phone. You can then see which aspects of your material, and your delivery, could use a bit more work or need tweaking.
Another tip is start with a big smile and a deep breath (and remember to keep taking big breaths and reminding yourself to keep that smile in place).
Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash
The worst thing you can do is to go light on preparation and try to wing it – you’ll almost certainly crash and burn. Dutch Courage (ie a hefty drink, or two) is also not the best advice. Half a glass of bubbly might help but anything more is likely to do more harm than good. You need a clear head, a good script and plenty of practice – not one too many glasses of wine and beer!
You’ll be great – and we’re here to help
We hope you find these tips helpful and if there is any other aspect of your big day you are unsure about just give us a call. The team here have organised a lot of wonderful weddings and we’re only too happy to share their experience, advice and inspiration. Ask away!