Mother of the Bride duties explained

Congratulations!  Your daughter is getting married!  She and her fiancé will be doing most of the planning, her father will be giving her away and making a speech, but what is expected of you?  This quick summary of Mother of the Bride duties is here to help!

Let me pay for that…

In days gone by the bride’s parents were expected to foot the bill for the entire wedding.  Now this responsibility tends to be accepted by the couple themselves.  Many parents, however, are keen to make a contribution.  If you’d like to help let your daughter know as early as possible so she can plan accordingly.

Photo by Andre Taissin on Unsplash

Make it clear whether you are making a gift or a loan.  Will you be transferring the money to them now or do you want them to send you the invoices?  Also, do you expect to have some say in the planning or the guest list in return for your support?

Do you expect to have a say in the wedding or the guest list in return for footing part of the bill? These are all things that would be helpful to discuss early on to avoid any confusion or miscommunication and to manage expectations.

Take part in the planning

You’ve probably planned a wedding before so your experience can be very useful.  Let your daughter know that you are there to offer advice whenever she’d like – just don’t take over!  There are so many things to remember that you can help by gently reminding her if anything has been overlooked or you feel something needs a bit more work.  “Have you thought about…?” is more subtle than “You’ve forgotten to…”!

Your daughter is likely to be pretty busy so you might like to offer to become the go-to contact for the suppliers, from the venue to the florists.  That way you can take the pressure off your daughter by fielding the inevitable questions.  If hotel rooms need to be block booked you can certainly take on that responsibility.  You can also help with preparing the guest list and keep track of the RSVPs for her. 

Old, New, Borrowed and Blue

If your daughter is following this tradition the Mother of the Bride is usually expected to take on the job of suggesting and locating "something old" which symbolizes your family’s heritage.  This can be a family heirloom or just something used, vintage, or antique that you love – a piece of jewellery that’s been handed down from one generation to the next always works well.

Photo by Amy Humphries on Unsplash

Outfit choices – talk to the Mother of the Groom

One of the Mother of the Bride’s jobs is to liaise with the Mother of the Groom about what they’re both going to wear.  Having said that, it’s important to follow the lead of the bride – your daughter will have an idea about the style and colour of outfit that will be most appropriate.

The traditional etiquette is for the Mother of the Bride to take the lead.  You should buy your dress before the Mother of the Groom then share the details with her.  This will hopefully make sure both outfits are complementary and that any awkward issues are avoided!

Shopping for the wedding dress

It’s traditional that the Mother of the Bride helps her daughter choose the dress.  It’s a fun, exciting and emotional experience – a great opportunity for the two of you to bond even more closely before the big day arrives.  It’s not an easy decision, and it’s only natural if your daughter gets a bit stressed.  Your role is to support her, calm her and give honest feedback – your advice will be invaluable.

Hen Party and Bridal Shower

Should you attend the Hen Party?  That rather depends on what is planned – it it’s a relaxed spa weekend then the answer is probably “yes” but if it’s a wild weekend of clubbing with some racy entertainment then maybe it’s not such a great idea!  One option is to join in with the daytime activities but miss out on the evening’s antics.   

Photo by Ann Danilina on Unsplash

Some brides have a tamer “family hen do”, as well as a friends one.  This could be something like afternoon tea or a relaxed dinner with the bridesmaids, mums and siblings of the couple.  Organising a bridal shower is traditionally something the Maid of Honour organises and you should almost certainly attend that. 

Help your daughter prepare on the wedding day

This is a very special time full of anticipation, excitement and emotion that’s important for mother and daughter to share.  You should help in any way she wants – with getting into her dress, pouring champagne, wiping away tears or smoothing out any last-minute issues.  Aim to be there for her a couple of hours before the ceremony.

Photo by Heather Miller on Unsplash

Your role at the ceremony

Traditionally the father walks the bride down the aisle but this is not always possible and it’s perfectly acceptable for you to do the honours.  If you’re not walking the bride down the aisle one of the usher will escort you to a seat in the first row just before the ceremony begins.   Your daughter may also ask you to give a reading during the ceremony. 

Receiving guests and playing host

If there’s to be a receiving line on the way into the wedding breakfast it’s traditional for the Mother of the Bride to be part of that and greet the guests as they take their seats.

Your daughter and her husband (now the knot has been tied!) will be the main focus of the day but they’ll struggle to spend time with absolutely every guest.  You can be a big help here – chat to guests, thank them for attending, ensure they have got everything they need and generally make sure they feel welcome and included.

Time to dance

The happy couple obviously have the first dance but then it’s traditional for you to take the second dance with the groom. 

How can we help?

If your daughter has recently announced her engagement and the two of you would like to share your ideas for the big day we’d love to discuss how we can make them happen. Turning dreams into reality is our speciality!