How to be the most popular bridesmaid ever

You’ve been picked as a bridesmaid – yay!  But once your initial excitement has subsided you might be wondering “what have I let myself in for?”  In this article we provide some hints and tips that will help you perform the role to perfection.

Have the right attitude

Being a bridesmaid requires the right mindset.  Whether you’ve never been here before, or you’re beginning to have “always a bridesmaid, never a bride” fatigue, you need to be excited and positive about everything.

Having said that there is work involved and some of the roles are less than glamorous.  Don’t agree to be a bridesmaid if you’re not willing to pitch in and help out. Whatever you are asked to do go above and beyond.  And be a team player - even if you don’t know the other bridesmaids, throw yourself into working with them.

So, it’s not enough to just show up at the hen party and wear a sash – think about what you can do to go the extra mile to make the occasion extra special.  Whether that’s researching cocktail games, or putting together a book of heartfelt messages from the other bridesmaids, you’ve really got to enter into the spirit. 

Be supportive and make yourself useful

Wedding planning can get pretty stressful and tiring so one of your main roles is to provide emotional support.  That means being the calm one when things get difficult, listening when the bride just needs to vent, providing a shoulder to cry on if it comes to that and adding the fun when things start to get a bit flat. 

You also have a big part to play in helping her gather inspiration and ideas.  Set yourselves up on Pinterest, start some shared boards, follow a few wedding accounts on Instagram, then tag her when you spot things she might like.  Another way you can help is by going with her to events or wedding fairs. 

Don't just say "Call me if you need a hand!" but be proactive - offer to take specific tasks off her plate.  If you’re a dab hand at crafts you could help with DIY wedding favours.  Perhaps you have graphic design skills?  Then you can get involved with the invitations, menus, website and signage.  Someone who is sup organised can take on some of the wedmin - sorting through RSVPs, collating menu choices or researching wedding suppliers.

Do the dress shopping

Going bridesmaid dress shopping with the rest of your group is obligatory.  The maid of honour should probably organise it but getting everyone together can be a bit of a nightmare so be flexible about when you’re available.  The same goes for choosing colours and styles - be gracious and tactful.  Try to accommodate the tastes of others while helping the bride achieve her personal vision. 

The final decision is the brides and while it may not be your preferred option this is a time for diplomacy not tantrums!  As early as possible establish with the bride who will pay for the dresses and discuss whether that includes any extras such as accessories, hair and makeup.  You want to avoid any awkwardness down the line!

When it comes to choosing a dress for the bride you need to offer support and advice – unless she’s super confidant and knows exactly what she wants your opinion will be very welcome.  It's also a good idea to be there for the fitting too so you know how to help her into her ensemble, how to manoeuvre the train or tie up the bustle.

Hen party

Planning and organising the hen party is primarily the maid of honour’s job but it takes a team effort to create a really great one.  Remember that the objective is to have fun and create a great bonding experience for the bride and her closest mates.  But not too much fun.  It has to be appropriate for the bride and the group.  Are we talking a stretch limo, butlers in the buff and a few OTT antics or would a spa day, afternoon tea and a posh restaurant be more welcome? 

The main thing from your point of view is to get involved and encourage the others to do the same.  One bridesmaid could round up some hen party dares, another could contact the groom to get the answers for the Mr and Mrs Quiz and a third could put together the hen party bags. 

On the day

As the date approaches make sure you have got the schedule.  Most brides like to have their bridesmaids get ready with them, so do you need to sort accommodation or can you turn up in the morning?  Also, double check if there’s anything you need to bring with you.

With the other bridesmaids prepare an emergency kit with safety pins, plasters, sewing kit, tissues and anything else you might need.  If you’re staying overnight bring sleepover essentials – chocolates, girly movies and bottles of bubbly!

The hours just before the ceremony can get very emotional time so be sure to do all you can to calm nerves and prevent any dramas.  The maid of honour traditionally assists the bride but you can probably help too, even if it’s just taking care of any younger bridesmaids and flower girls.

You and the other bridesmaids usually travel to the ceremony with the maid of honour and the mother of the bride while the bride arrives with her dad.  The bridesmaids should arrive at the ceremony ten minutes before the bride so they can see her arrive.

During and after the ceremony

It’s traditional at English weddings for the bride and her father go first, followed by the bridesmaids – but the American way, with the bridesmaids first and the bride last, is becoming increasingly popular.  You might be asked to give a reading during the ceremony, or to be a witness for the signing of the register.  After the ceremony is over, you should leave after the couple and the maid of honour and the best man.

Once the ceremony is over don’t sneak off for an early drink!  It’s time for the photos so the bride might need help adjusting her dress or someone to hold her bouquet.  You can also do a bit of rounding up guests for the various group portraits.

Once the celebrations start

You might be asked to join a receiving line at the reception to greet guests as a key member of the wedding party.  The bridesmaids will probably not sit together at the breakfast but on separate tables to host your own group of guests.  Put your friendliest face on – it’s your job to make everyone feel included and to ensure they enjoy themselves.    In the past you would be expected to hand out the slices of wedding cake but now most people now help themselves or it is served up after the wedding breakfast.

You’ll probably also have to take your turn on bathroom duty, helping your mate overcome the problems of going to the loo in a dress that makes it rather awkward – a great bonding experience!

The happy couple will probably struggle to spend as much time with some of their old friends and elderly relatives as they’d like so you can be a big help by making sure these people don’t feel neglected and have everything they need – keep your eye out for people who might welcome a little bit of attention and conversation.   Also make sure the bride has something to drink and eat at regular intervals as the day and evening go on – too much of the former and too little of the latter is not good so be alert to what is required!

Finally, have FUN.  A big part of your job now is to be the life and soul of the party.  Be the first on the dance floor and drag others with you, wear your biggest smile at all times and do your best to create the kind of atmosphere where absolutely everyone, from the most awkward teenager to the oldest aunt, and from the tipsiest uncle to the shyest plus one, has the time of their lives.

Any other questions?

Follow these tips and you’ll be the most popular bridesmaid ever, invited to do the honours on a regular basis.  Need to know anything else wedding wise?  Just ask the team at Clevedon Hall!