Wedding guest problems and how to solve them

There has been one upside to the Covid situation as far as weddings are concerned.  Really?!  Yes - government restrictions provided the perfect excuse for keeping the numbers down and not feeling quite so bad about leaving certain people off the guest list.  However, as there’s the prospects of a viable vaccine being available in the not too distant future you may have to start thinking a bit harder about these issues as we head into 2021.   

Workmates

You probably have a few close friends at work that you’d love to have along.  But where do you draw the line?  It’s not an easy call but it maybe best to invite all, or none.

The return favour

You were invited to their wedding so are you obliged to do the same?  If their wedding was less than a year before yours then you should probably include them.  If it was longer, but you are still close, the answer is probably yes.  But if you seldom see each other now then they’ll probably understand.  Probably…  They may have had a much bigger event, or less relatives to include, so there are a few other circumstances to take into consideration – but if their wedding was not long ago, or you still see them, then leaving them out will potentially cause bad feeling.

Photo by Artem Maltsev on Unsplash

Parental pressure

Parents probably have different ideas to you about who should be invited to the wedding – and it’s tough to ignore their wishes if they are making a financial contribution.  Consider allocating a certain number of invitations to both sets of parents to get around this. If your venue holds 100 people, you could invite 50 guests and let each set of parents inviting 25 each.

The ‘plus one’

Some guests will feel uneasy coming alone or may have a “significant other” that you’ve not met (yet!).  There’s no hard and fast rule – kind of depends on the capacity of the venue.  It’s generally acceptable to not invite the partners of a group of work colleagues who enjoy each other’s company.  But but do consider inviting the partner of the friend who may not know anybody else. Generally be clear and consistent about whether or not you are inviting partners. Print names on the rsvp cards as this will stop uninvited partners from turning up.

The divorced parents situation

It’s important for both of you to have both parents in attendance.  But what if they can no longer bear to be in the same room as each other?  It may be possible to keep them apart but it certainly won’t be easy – especially when you arrange the seating plan of the top table.

The top table is the focus of attention at the reception so any “issues” are going to be obvious to everyone.  The traditional way to seat everyone on the top table is down one side of a rectangular table, facing the rest of the room.  The normal arrangement, from the left: chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man. An alternative to this is to swap the fathers so that the bride’s parents sit together and the groom’s parents set together.

You’d probably love your mum and dad to sit at the top table but if they absolutely don’t want to then you need to find an alternative seating solution.  You might like to consider these variations:

·         If the bride’s parents have divorced and remarried.  From the left: bride’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man, bride’s stepmother.

·         If the groom’s parents have divorced and remarried.  From the left: best man, groom’s stepmother, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, groom’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid.

·         If both sets of parents have divorced and remarried. From the left: groom’s stepmother, bride’s stepfather, chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom, bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother, best man, bride’s stepmother, groom’s stepfather.

Another option, to avoid any awkward hierarchies, particularly if there is any resentment or bitterness lurking between current partners and exes, consider having a round table.

If you find it impossible to organise a harmonious top table just do away with tradition altogether and have a romantic ‘sweetheart top table’ just for the bride and groom alone.  That way you are the centre of attention and everyone else can sit at separate tables with people they feel comfortable with.

Inviting the ex

We have all heard stories of couples who invited their ex-wife or ex-husband to their wedding and they all got along famously, but this is rare – generally it’s a recipe for disaster.

If your relationship with your ex is friendly, and you have children together, it might work out.  But you do need to consider how your ex and your new partner are going to feel.  If you have any misgivings at all it’s probably best to simply explain that you will be getting married again but that you don’t feel it would be appropriate to have them there on the day. They may happily accept this (and might actually be quite relieved).  Certainly don’t invite them if it makes your new partner uncomfortable.  What’s more, there may be others (not least your parents) who might not welcome your ex (and possibly their new partner). 

Ask away

If you have any other questions relating to guest lists, seating arrangements and the like, then let us know – it’s all in a day’s work for the team at Clevedon Hall!