How to stay chilled when planning your wedding
Your wedding day is the most romantic moment of your life. So, you want it to be perfect. Which means you plan it very carefully. But, ironically, the more you plan, the more you try to micromanage every little detail, the more stressful it becomes. Because there will always be little challenges – like the venue you want is booked on all of the dates you’d like, your future mother-in-law can’t stop giving you advice and your maid of honour gets pregnant eight months before the big day. Then, to cap it all, Covid comes along.
This isn’t the first post we’ve written on how to manage your mental and emotional wellbeing during the wedding planning process – but we thought it was timely. Plus we have some fresh tips that we haven’t shared with you before.
Accept that it’s normal to feel stressed
Planning a wedding is a big undertaking. So if you find yourself getting stressed out that’s normal. The fact you are so wound up, losing sleep and getting ratty with people doesn’t mean you are a total bridezilla, that it’s better to delay the whole thing or that you have serious mental health issues!
However, many brides and grooms try to hide the anxiety they’re experiencing. They might even feel ashamed that they’re struggling during a period that should be the “happiest time of their life”.
Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash
The best approach is to realise “it’s not you” but the situation – stop blaming yourself! Then make looking after yourself more of a priority – right now it’s probably way down the list, below worrying about the budget and making sure everyone else is happy (an impossible task, by the way!). If you follow this tip, and the ones that follow, you’ll be able to enjoy the process of wedding planning and put the focus back on you, your relationship and your upcoming marriage.
Use you support network
There’s a lot of truth in the old adage “a problem shared is a problem halved”. So share the stuff that’s bothering you. Who with? It might be with your partner, a member of your family or with your closest girlfriends – you decide who is best placed to give you the love, support and advice you need. Even if they don’t come up with a solution to your problem just talking it out will be a big help.
You might just want to meet up with one person over a cuppa or go out with your mates for a good old chin wag over a bottle of wine – the main thing is to get some human contact. This is especially important right now when you are probably seeing fewer people than usual because everyone is working from home and meeting socially in a bar or restaurant is rather difficult. In between face to face meetings make sure you chat on zoom or snapchat – it all helps!
Go on a digital detox
Chat with your friends digitally but perhaps limit your use of social media in other ways. A number have studies have linked excessive social media use with depression, anxiety, sleep problems and body image and body confidence issues. Whether it’s creating a dream wedding way beyond your means on Pinterest or feeling inadequate when you look at the images of professional models and influencers on Instagram, social media can be a great source of dissatisfaction and anxiety.
Photo by Abdiel Ibarra on Unsplash
Following the news too closely, even at the best of times, can be a pretty negative experience – and these are not the best of times! So tear yourself away from the screen, give your thumbs a rest , and take some us time…just the two of you, enjoying a special meal, taking time out to talk or watching an episode of a favourite show.
Rediscover the things that make you happy
If you’ve been spending every evening with your Excel spreadsheets and lunch has been taken al desko while you chase up suppliers or check out the latest trends in wedding cakes/dress fashions/buddymoons then you need to call a “time out”.
Photo by Laura Chouette on Unsplash
No matter how busy you are it’s essential to clear some space in your schedule to do things that help you relax, nourish your spirit and bring you joy. It could be going for a walk, putting your feet up with a novel, soaking in a hot bath or baking chocolate chip cookies. Just make sure you get that important ‘me time’ every day – a break from everything else going on in your life when you focus on no one else’s needs but your own.
Make a “done” list
We’ve all got a “to-do” list. So why not a “done” one? “to-do” lists are obviously useful but they can make you feel overwhelmed and anxious. So why not spend a little time every evening, or at the end of the week, making a list of all the things you’ve recently accomplished – it’s a great way to remind yourself of what you’ve achieved and to build up your self-esteem. Makes sense, doesn’t it? So do it!
Get some exercise
Numerous studies show that physical exercise helps lower stress levels. In the current situation you may be rather less active than you realise. Maybe your daily commute is now between your bedroom and the kitchen – when you worked in an office there was probably a lot more walking involved. And with lockdown you might have let your gym membership lapse and given up the yoga classes.
The general recommendation from healthcare professionals is to take 150 minutes of moderate-intensity activity a week, and swimming, yoga or gentle walking are great places to start. The evidence suggests this type of activity can reduce your risk of depression by 30%, improve sleep quality, increase self-confidence and help you manage stress and anxiety better.
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If possible try and combine that exercise with some fresh air – just getting out and experiencing a change of scenery certainly has a calming effect.
Eat healthy
How do most of us respond to stress? By comfort eating and drinking! However, reaching for the nearest chocolate bar, pack of biscuits or glass of wine is not the answer. It actually just makes you feel worse, physically and mentally – once the sugar rush or the alcohol buzz has passed we probably feel worse than before (and beat ourselves up as part of the deal!). Plus putting on weight doesn’t help our state of mind (or dress size).
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
On the other hand a crash diet to reach your ideal wedding weight is not too smart either. Severely restricting your calorie intake makes you feel lethargic and irritable – certainly not helpful for your mental health!
Much better to eat a healthy balanced diet of freshly prepared meals with plenty of vegetables. Cutting down on your alcohol intake will also help you sleep better, as will switching to caffeine-free beverages like herbal or rooibos tea.
Photo by Gemma Evans on Unsplash
Minimise your commitments
Taking on too much is a sure way to increase your stress levels so learn to say “no” more. Your time and energy are precious and it isn’t selfish to set boundaries. You don’t have to go to every party and volunteer for every project – but you do have to look after yourself.
Learn to delegate
Share your wedding planning workload with trusted bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents and friends. There’s all sorts of time consuming tasks they could help with while you focus on the stuff you must do for yourself – like dress fittings, working out seating plans and going for tastings (essential!).
Lean on us
We understand what you are going through and we’ve helped countless couples with the ups and downs. We’re here to give you emotional support but you’ll also find that our experience and practical knowledge enables us to provide answers to many of the questions that are getting you down.