Dilemmas with your big day - and how best to handle them
Photo by Mattia Lucchin on Unsplash
Planning a wedding seldom goes entirely smoothly. No matter how well prepared you are there’s bound to be a situation (or two!) that gives you a serious dilemma. In this post we cover some of the most common issues that can throw a spanner in the works and put you in a bit of a tight spot.
I want it to be perfect – but it’s not!
This is a dilemma all brides struggle with. On the one hand you want everything to be just right. But on the other there comes a point where you realise that it’s probably best to “let it go”. Your pink gown clashes with the orange aisle carpet in the church. Your heart is set on a cake that’s ridiculously expensive. Or the flower arrangements and table settings are not exactly as you’d imagined. Do you get bent out of shape and go to ridiculous lengths sorting everything to your satisfaction? Or do you get over it and refuse to let it spoil your big day?
The fact is that lot of issues are only in your own head. Nobody else is even going to notice! Stop obsessing over perfect – that kind of attitude just sets you up from stress, arguments and disappointment.
How do we raise the issue of money?
Most couples struggle to talk through money issues with parents – but weddings make those discussions inevitable. Best advice is to raise the subject sooner rather than later. Ask if they are willing to help out. If the answer is “yes” then clarify which part of the wedding they would like to contribute to. Then make it clear that their contribution, however big or small, is greatly appreciated.
Ooops, I’m pregnant!
It happens… Apart from the dilemma about whether to share the happy news before the big day there’s the issue of the dress. One option is to get a bespoke design to accommodate your bump. If that’s too expensive then go for something off the peg that’s loose and floaty.
There are even some companies, like Tiffanyrose.com that specialise in affordable pregnancy gowns for the bride, her maids and guests. Pregnancy specialists Seraphine.com also have full-length lace styles and a large collection of occasion wear for anyone wanting to embrace colour. Bridal designers Alice Temperley and Jenny Packham both have loose empire line dresses in light fabrics that will move with you and your bump.
My dad isn’t here to walk me up the aisle – how do I handle that one?
What you really want to do is remember and honour him. You’ll obviously have to get someone else to give you away. You could walk down the aisle with your partner, a sister or with your bridesmaids.
However, you also want to remember and honour your father. One option is place a beautiful bouquet of flowers where your father would have sat. There’s a story of a bride who had her bouquet secured by her father’s wristwatch. Another had one of her father’s Saville Row suits tailored to fit her. You might also choose to remember him in your choice of readings or in the speeches.
Everyone wants to come dress shopping…
This is a not uncommon situation – but one that needs handling carefully. Best advice is to only take someone whose views you trust or who you know will have your best interests at heart.
Your partner’s view counts as little, or as much, as you want – it’s up to you. Some brides will discuss this matter, and different designs, at length with their fiancé. But others don’t involve them at all – the dress is a total surprise to them.
Another tip – don’t let your uber-fashionable friend sway you one way or the other. When buying any other dress the latest trends are important. But your wedding dress needs to flatter you, it must be comfortable, it must photograph well and it needs to make you feel a hundred times yourself. Forget being on-trend and concentrate on what works best for you.
Does my fiancé’s sister have to be a bridesmaid?
It’s up to you. There are plenty of other roles you could ask her to play. The main thing is make sure she feels appreciated and included. Maybe she’s a keen bake-off follower and would love to create your cake? Perhaps she has an artistic streak and would love to help with the décor, the website design or the invites and stationery? Or how about performing a reading at your ceremony? The main thing is to keep her happy and on-side – therwise she’ll be bending the groom’s ear (or, worse still, the mother-in-laws).
The parents are hijacking the guest list!
It’s your day… but you need be sensitive to the fact that proud and happy parents want to share the occasion with their friends. Bearing this in mind try to get a good balance of guests from both sides of the family as well as your own closest friends. Agree a total number and then allocate a certain number of invites to yourselves and your parents.
Why can’t I find suppliers who share my vision?
You have a clear picture in your head of what you want. But you can’t expect others to read your mind. Whether you are briefing a hairdresser, a florist, a dress designer or a cake maker, try to show them images. That way your ideas won’t be lost in translation. Visit websites, cut photos out of wedding mags, download examples from pinterest. You can even combine them on mood boards.
My Mum/Mother-in-law has decided she’s my wedding planner!
It’s a tricky one. You’d like her involved – but don’t want her to totally take over what is supposed to be your big day. On the other hand you don’t want to have a massive bust up. One way to tackle this ids to give her one meaty task you know she’ll love. It needs to be something time consuming to keep her occupied. Perhaps you could get her growing all the herbs for your guests’ favours? Or compiling a list of all local hotels and B&Bs that she can personally recommend? Perhaps interviewing a range of potential caterers and presenting you with a shortlist of her top three suggestions. If she’s super keen get her to tackle all three!
How do limit the number of plus-ones?
The simplest solution is to ditch them altogether. When you send the invitations explain that your wedding will be an intimate celebration, allowing you to spend quality time with each guest, and for this reason you are only extending your invitations to partners you know really well.
How do I tell friends they are evening-only?
As with the plus-ones dilemma above let your invitations do the work. Make attendance times clear and give details of the fabulous party they have been invited to. You could also include a note letting them know what other mutual friends will be coming to the party – this reassures people that they won’t be walking into a gathering of total strangers.
Don’t be afraid to ask…
These are just a few of the common dilemmas that tend to come up when planning a wedding – but there are plenty more. Should you make the day child-free, is it OK to invite an ex, how should you handle a situation where you feel your partner is not doing their bit? We don’t have space here to cover every possible situation and question. But if you want some extra advice and help just give our team a call – they have bags of experience and can almost certainly help you work it out in a way that makes everyone happy.