A business event, whether a seminar, team building day, networking get-together, exhibitions or a party, is a great opportunity for meeting people and getting to know them better.  These people could be prospective clients or potential suppliers, important colleagues from another department or senior directors you’d like to impress, talented individuals you might be looking to recruit or an industry thought leader who could help you, someone well-connected who could provide a useful referral or an expert whose brains you’d like to pick. 

Such opportunities are valuable – they give you the chance to form meaningful relationships that could pay huge dividends in the fullness of time.  Some are very good at seizing these opportunities.  They feel comfortable in these situations and have the knack of connecting with a wide variety of different individuals.  Others, however, really struggle.  If you feel you could do with some help in this area then we have a couple of insights that might prove useful.

Don’t try and change your personality

If you’re a bit shy, feel awkward amongst strangers and don’t make friends easily then the whole idea of business “networking” probably fills you with dread.  It’s fine for those outgoing folk who love to talk, who enjoy being centre of attention and are just naturally “good with people”.  Me?  I’m just to like that!

The truth is, however, that you don’t have to be “like that”.  In fact, if you attempted to behave like them it would be a disaster!  The trick is to:

1.    Be yourself

2.    Master a few basic conversation skills

It’s true that some personality types are more outgoing than others.  But if you observe people closely and study how they interact in social situations or business meetings, you’ll observe that even some reserved and quiet people are very good at connecting with others and swiftly building a rapport.  In fact, once you understand what’s going on, you’ll realise that the quieter ones are often better at it than the loud ones!

So, if success in this area is not based on personality, what is it about?  It’s about behaviour – a couple of small things you can do that will dramatically improve the quality of your conversations and help you to start building great relationships. 

Get over yourself

Most people have heard of the famous book “How to Win Friends and Influence People”.  But few have read it.  The book is built around a simple truth: Everybody is primarily interested in themselves.  They are wrapped up in themselves, their own problems, hopes, fear, issues, feelings, prejudices, situation.  They are aware of other stuff and other people – but they can’t help but see things through their own eyes and are programmed to be self-centred and self-absorbed.

So, when you go into a room full of people you can’t help thinking about yourself – how do I look to them, how do I sound to them, what kind of impression am I making?  Some of us do this to a greater extent than others but we all do it to some degree.  Many of us do it a lot – we really worry about it!

The good news is that everyone in the room is the same as you – focused, to a greater or lesser degree, on #1.  So what are you worrying about?  Stop fretting about what other people think of you.  They don’t!  They are too busy thinking about themselves! 

Once you realise this it’s incredibly liberating.  Nobody is really paying you any attention so you are free to relax and enjoy yourself – any pressure you might have felt is now off!

The secret of being a great conversationalist

If everyone in the room is self-absorbed, what is their favourite subject?  What is the one thing they’ll be most happy to talk about?  Themselves! 

So, if you want to connect with you just ask them questions about themselves.  This is so simple it’s hard to believe it works.  Next time you meet someone, socially, at work or at a business event, just try it – and pay attention to what happens. 

You’ll be amazed.  People (unless they have a serious personality defect!) will always respond positively, engage with you, and talk.  You don’t even have to say much yourself (which keeps the pressure off you) – they’ll think you a great conversationalist if they are the ones doing 90% of the talking!

Once you’ve discovered how well this works you might start to question what you’ve probably been told about “networking best practice”.

Forget your elevator pitch

The conventional advice for successful networking is to have a powerful “elevator pitch” – a couple of sentences that tells people who you are, what you do and what value you add. 

This advice is not bad.  You do need an elevator pitch.  But never, ever, be in a hurry to use it.  Most people are so busy rehearsing this form of words, and looking for an opportunity to blurting it out that they blow the relationship from the start.  They don’t ask questions, they don’t give the other person the chance to talk about themselves, don’t show any interest in what the other person is saying and just come across as cold, self-centred and socially inept!

So, park your elevator pitch and ask a question.  Then listen.  Really listen.  If you listen hard you’ll hear things you don’t really understand, which leads you to ask another question.  And another question.  For instance, the other person may say “I’m a broker that specialises in professional indemnity insurance.”  You can legitimately ask “professional indemnity…what do you mean exactly?” or “do you focus on any particular profession, or all of them?”  It show you were paying attention, it demonstrates interest and it gets the other person to open up further.

Question, but don’t interrogate  

If your questions come too thick and fast the conversation can become a bit of an interrogation.  So, try and comment on the answer before you ask another question.  For instance “Professional indemnity?  I’ve got a friend who’s a builder and he was talking about that the other day…it sounded like a bit of a legal minefield for the construction industry.  Do you have clients in that sector?”

When do you get your turn?

Eventually the other person will realise they are doing all the talking and go “…but enough about me.  How about you?”  You now have permission to talk about yourself and introduce your elevator pitch.  Because you’ve been such a good listener they will hopefully afford you the same courtesy and actually pay attention to what you have to say!

Conclusion

If you get good at engaging people in conversation and building relationships what happens?  The worst that can happen is nothing (and if you are bad at doing this then that’s what you’ll get – nothing!).  Usually something good happens – they might become a client, you might introduce them to someone and they repay the favour, you might have a problem where their expert knowledge proves helpful, they share a social media post of yours which significantly raises your profile. 

Just remember this.  You have two ears and one mouth.  Listen twice as much as you talk and you’ll find that time spent at business or social event is much more productive.  And enjoyable!