As you plan and organise your wedding you are going to run into some tricky situations that involve a few awkward conversations.  Many of these are surprisingly common – most couple find themselves facing these dilemmas at some point.  In this post we flag up them up so that you are prepared – and suggests ways to resolve everything amicably.

Families and finances

Unless you plan to sneak off to the registry office without telling anyone there’s going to be some celebrations to organise – and pay for.  Do you wait for your parents to offer some help, do you drop some heavy hints, ask them right out for a contribution or refuse any financial help whatsoever?  If they do help us out does that mean we’ll lose control and not be able to have the kind of day we’d really like?  What if one set of parents is more affluent than the other?  Should we accept the money as a gift or treat it as a loan we’ll pay off over time?  What’s the best time to start having these discussions?

We suggest you initiate the money talk with both sets of parents really early on.  Be open and frank about what kind of day you have in mind, what you can afford and whether they’d like to help out.

Guest list dilemmas

Depending on your budget there will be a maximum number of guests you can afford to invite.  This will probably mean you have to do some kind of a trade-off between friends and family.  Do you invite your distant cousins and leave off some old school mates?  Should you disappoint a few relatives you barely know in favour of some longstanding pals?  Also, to complicate matters further, your proud parents are keen to share the occasion with their friends – you’ll have to oblige them to an extent (especially if they are paying a big part of the bill – see previous point!). 

Start by agreeing a total number of guests that’s within the overall budget then allocate a certain number of invites to yourselves and your parents, striking a balance between both your families.  Once you’ve done that create a list of “must invite” and another of “nice to invite” and see where that gets you.

Perfectionist or pragmatist?

You’ll almost certainly have a mental picture of your perfect wedding.  But achieving it may be too costly or impractical for other reasons.  For instance, you’ve fallen in love with a dress that’s more than you can afford.  Or your preferred venue is not available on any of your dates.  How do you respond?  Do you strive for perfection or do you adopt a more pragmatic attitude and accept a compromise?  We suggest that you stop obsessing over perfect – it just sets you up for stress, arguments and disappointment.  Try and strike a happy medium between the two extremes.  

Uh, oh, I’m pregnant!

You won’t be the first bride with a bump – and these days it’s something to be pleased about, not ashamed of.  But do you hide it or share the happy news?  Do you get a bespoke design to match your expanding figure or do you pick something off the peg that’s loose and floaty?  Luckily there’s no shortage of suppliers that specialise in affordable gowns for bride who are expecting.

The plus-one dilemma

Allow plus-ones you’re asking for problems – too many guests (plenty of whom you’ve never met before) and a financial headache.  On the other hand a complete ban on them can seem a bit harsh.  You could send plus-one invites to some guests and not to others – but you are bound to upset someone.  The simplest solution is to explain on the invitation that your wedding will be an intimate celebration, allowing you to spend quality time with each guest, and for this reason you are only extending your invitations to partners you know really well.

Grown-ups only?

Flower girls and toddlers in tuxes are undeniably cute but kids can also create a few headaches for parents and guests alike.  It’s your call but as with the plus-one issue you need to be consistent – if one couple can bring their kids then the same goes for all of them. 

If kids are invited let people know from the start so they can make the necessary arrangements for accommodation, baby sitting and so on.   You could also consider providing a wedding crèche so the parents can relax.  If you don’t like that option you could at least fill children's activities boxes with colouring books, small toys or even games to keep them entertained and out of trouble. 

If, on the other hand, you want your big day to be kid-free then just make that clear on the invitation.  Many parents will thank you for it!

Relax - it’ll all be fine!

These are the most common dilemmas that you’ll probably encounter as you plan your wedding.  You can’t avoid them – but with the right attitude they can be sorted.   All it takes is a bit of common sense and creativity you’ll find a way to make the right choices and have a fabulous day.  And remember, the team at Clevedon Hall have plenty of experience at helping people overcome exactly these challenges – so if you are struggling just give them a call!