The moment you announce your engagement family and friends will start asking questions about the wedding.  Have you got a date in mind, what kind of theme are you leaning towards, is there a venue you have your sights set on, who will be your bridesmaids?  You’ll also discover that while it’s your day that doesn’t stop everyone else having certain expectations and being free with their advice!  With a lot of decisions there’s little risk of hurting anyone’s feelings – hopefully nobody will be too upset if you go for an orange sponge wedding cake when their favourite is chocolate.  Choosing your Maid of Honour, however, is another matter – you have to tread very carefully to avoid stepping on toes!  In this post we offer some advice on how to pick the most appropriate candidate whilst also being very diplomatic.

No pressure then?

What if you know that one of your besties has their heart set on the honour for herself – saying no is going to hurt.  What if your family and friends are lobbying for rival contenders?  And suppose you were maid of honour at a sibling’s or friend’s wedding – aren’t you obliged to return the compliment and ask them?  See how tricky this can get?!

The thing to remember is that the Maid of Honour isn’t just an honorary title.  She has an important function to perform – supporting you as and when needed.  It’s a very personal role, so it’s your personal decision.  Select the person you feel most comfortable with, the one you know you can rely on to take care of things when there’s an issue, the one you believe will prove most empathetic and supportive. 

If in doubt choose a family member

If you’re really struggling to decide between two or three people each with an equally good claim to be your pick it’s probably safest to go with a family member.  Even if your best friend ever was confident of getting the call they are unlikely to feel too bent out of shape if you pick a close relative over them.  Also, a relative is for life, whereas friendships can wane over time – so try not to fall out with family!

Why have just one?

Traditionally you only had one Maid of Honour.  But most traditions are now being swept aside.  Got a shortlist of two or three candidates that you are equally keen on and whom you can’t bear to disappoint?  Just ask them all!  They can share out the Maid of Honour duties between them and that way everyone is happy.  You certainly won’t be short of support.

Could she be a he?

These are gender-fluid times so who’s to say that you can’t have a Man of Honour instead?  It’s actually becoming increasingly common.  If there’s a guy you are particularly close to, a friend, a brother or maybe a cousin, that could work really well.

Don’t be too hasty

As we’ve already indicated the role is not just honorary – it comes with responsibilities attached.  When you are thinking through your options be realistic about each person’s particular strengths and weaknesses.  Someone who is a real party animal may seem like the obvious choice but stop and think this through – chances are they’re also hopelessly disorganised and unreliable.  You’d be much better advised to go with someone who dependable, good with detail and calm under pressure.

How good are they at emotional recue?

There will be times during the whole wedding planning process when you’ve had about as much fun as you can handle.  And moments, like just before you walk down the aisle, when the nerves start playing up.  This is when the Maid of Honour really proves their worth – look for someone who is naturally empathetic, diplomatic, positive and supportive.  Someone who can handle emotionally awkward situations, diffuse tensions, find solutions and offer constructive support when it matters most. 

Want to talk?

When picking your Maid of Honour it can help to talk it through with someone completely independent – like the team at Clevedon Hall.  We can’t make the decision for you but the mere process of discussing your options can certainly clarify things.