You’ve just been nominated “best man” – it’s a great feeling, right?!  But then you start thinking about the responsibilities – planning an amazing stag-do, being the ring-bearer, organising the other groomsmen and the big one….giving a hilarious, polished, sincere and moving speech that is loved by everyone from the bride’s granny to the groom’s mates.  Follow these tips on making a killer best man speech and you’ll be fine!

Nothing to fear but fear itself

The best man traditionally follows the groom in the order of speeches and you basically have a simple objective – to tell everyone what a great guy the groom is and what a wonderful couple they make, but in a way that gets a few laughs.  Sounds simple enough.  But if you are one of the 10% who would rather die than do public speaking, or the other 80% who get pretty nervous at the prospect, it is a daunting ask. 

Give yourself plenty of time

Writing your speech on a napkin as you wait for the soup to arrive is a recipe for disaster!  Give yourself at least two months to start gathering your material and knocking it into shape.  Those last weeks before the big day will be busy so finding the time to think and write may be difficult – make a start way ahead and you won’t find yourself stressing at the end.

Tell stories

People have been enjoying stories for as long as anyone can remember – so the best way to start planning your speech is to collect up the stories you know about the groom and how he met the bride. 

Then start looking for some common theme or character trait that links a few of them together.  Choose the best three or four anecdotes, as well as a few other key points you want to make, then start arranging them around your theme – you don’t need much more than this to get started.  Don’t put all the emphasis on your friendship with the groom – the main focus should be on celebrating the relationship between the two people getting married.

Speak from the heart

Some people think a great best man’s speech is just a string of jokes – it’s not (even if they are funny).  A few jokes will help but a speaker who shares his feelings is much more engaging and moving – humour is just the icing on the cake.  You’ve not been chosen for this role because you’re a comedian but because you are close to the bride and groom – they want you to share some meaningful insights about their unique love story that everyone will find uplifting.

How to structure your best man’s speech

In between the stories and jokes your speech needs to tick a few other boxes in terms of its content.  Here is a standard structure to guide you.

·         Try and start with a great opening line to get people’s attention and warm them up

·         Thank the previous speakers, the guests for attending and the parents for raising such a wonderful couple

·         Introduce yourself and explain how you know the groom – tell couple of stories about the groom, with jokes)

·         Say a few nice words about the bride (with a story or two about how she met the groom)

·         Congratulate the couple and compliment them

·         Read messages from guests who couldn't make it, if there are any

·         Round off with a famous quote or a few lines of poetry

·         Propose a toast

Write it down

Having it written down, if only in bullet notes, takes some of the pressure off – nerves can mess with your memory!  Using small note cards probably works better than a sheet of paper as they won’t flap around and are less conspicuous. 

Relax and be yourself

Easier said than done but chill out.  Don’t tell people (beforehand or in your first sentence) how nervous you are – this doesn’t help.  Remind yourself that you are just sharing a few stories with a group of friends about two people you care about.  Don’t try to be someone you are not or put on an act – if you are not naturally humorous, or over-sentimental, don’t try too hard to be funny or emotional.  The couple picked you because they love your personality so just be you!

Make it appropriate

Think about the audience, which will probably range from the very old to the very young, and the very conservative to those whose sense of humour is a bit edgy.  If you think a particular remark or joke will offend someone then don’t go there!   

Keep things positive.  Build the couple up and don’t say anything that will belittle them.  It’s acceptable to poke a little harmless fun at the groom (who is your mate) but don’t do the same for the bride – you may offend her and her family.  Also avoid being negative about marriage in general and make no mention of previous relationships. 

Practice, practice, practice

Delivering a speech you’ve not rehearsed out loud is asking for trouble.  Practice with a friend or group and listen to their feedback.  Video it on your phone to get a feel for hoe you are coming across.  At the very least this will make you more confident as you’ll know your speech is a good one before you stand up in front of the crowd.

Short, sweet and sober

Five minutes max – anything more and guests’ attention is going to wander.  You’ll never hear anyone say “the best man’s speech was too short”!  A drink may help to settle your nerves but stick to the one.  Slurring your words is embarrassing for you and disrespectful to the bride and groom. 

Loud and clear

If people are struggling to hear you even the greatest speech will be a failure.  Speak confidently, slowly and loudly.

Variety is the spice of a good speech

If you speak in a monotone the effect is….monotonous.  Try to vary the pace and tone of your delivery.  Think of a great movie, one that has action, that makes you laugh one minute then cry the next – tell stories that mix humour with romance.

Cue applause!

If you are a best man (or a groom/bride who wants to help him do a great job!) we hope you find these notes helpful – a great best man’s speech should be one of the highlights of the big day.  Got a question about some other aspect of tying the knot?  Just give us a call – the team at Clevedon Hall are always happy to share tips and advice from their considerable experience.