If you are tying the knot this year then you are definitely in for a few months of full-on planning, preparation and partying.  It’s going to be exciting and fun – but not always plain sailing.  Inevitably there will also be a few awkward conversations and difficult decisions that are going to test your relationship – so you need to work on building a strong one.  That, after all, is why you are getting married in the first place!  

In this post we share a few ideas for New Year resolutions that will help to keep the romance alive and your relationship in great shape as you ride the emotional rollercoaster up to the wedding and into the first months of married life.  But don’t worry – they are the kind of resolutions you’ll enjoy!

Make sure you plan a regular Date Night

You are going to be super busy for the next few months with sorting things like dresses, cakes, flowers, catering, stag/hen dos, invites…the list is almost endless.  Come the evening it’s tempting to just crash out in front of the TV with a ready meal and a bottle of wine.  There’s nothing wrong with that – except you can find yourself stuck in a repetitive rut before you know it! 

You need to schedule some time, every week, to get up off the couch and go out for a meal, see a film, try a new bar, take salsa classes, go for a couples spa experience, visit a comedy club, book a romantic weekend away, enrol on a cookery class, go to a match…anything so long as you do it together and it breaks your routine.

We suggest you get the calendar, block out some time every week (or at least every fortnight) and then fill them in with ideas that for activities, events and treats that will make it easy for you to reconnect after a few days when you’ve been too busy to see much of eachother.

Put down your phone

Smartphones are great for keeping in touch with what’s going on and the people in your life.  But they can also, paradoxically, have the opposite effect.  We’ve all seen couple who are glued to their screens even when they’re together – and that’s not smart.  You are just sending a signal to your partner that your focus is not on them and that there are other places you’d rather be or other people you’d prefer to spend time with. 

The topic of mindfulness has become a hot one precisely because people have become so bad at it.  Mindfulness just means “being in the room and consciously paying attention to what’s going on around you in the here and now”.  Switching off your phone (and getting your partner to do the same!) is an essential first step.  It’s certainly a good idea when you are on a date night but why not try and do it more often whenever the two of you are together?  If you stick to this resolution you’ll be amazed at how much closer the two of you become!

Make the effort to pay your partner more compliments

If you want a healthy and happy relationship it’s really important that you appreciate each other – and show it.  Paying your fiancé a compliment doesn’t actually cost anything but it has a terrific positive impact – it’s a great example of the old adage that the best things in life are free!

The compliment can be about something quite small – anything from how much you like their outfit to the way they’ve just handled a situation.  Even small compliments have a big effect because they show you appreciation and remind your partner that you value them. 

You’ll also find that saying something nice to your other half is usually reciprocated.  So if you want them to say nice things to you start by saying something nice about them – but just make it genuine and sincere!

Support your partner’s New Year’s resolutions

As well as a few “couple’s resolutions” each of you will be setting individual goals.  It’s important to respect your partner’s resolutions and support them.  If your partner has a goal to lose weight it’s not helpful to keep suggesting take-aways or loading the supermarket trolly with cakes, crisps and chocolate!  Likewise, if your partner’s goals require some “me time” then you need to give them that space.  Which brings us to the next resolution…

Make room for “me time”

A new poll conducted in December 2019 amongst 2000 couples in the US revealed that the majority felt ‘me-time’ is actually even more important than date nights for a healthy relationship.  According to the results, the ideal amount of ‘me-time’ is 51 minutes per day — or about six hours per week.

This makes a lot of sense because once in a relationship we tend to put the needs of others first.  Whilst this is important there’s a danger we won’t pay sufficient attention to our own needs, which is bound to have an adverse effect on our state of mind…and if one person in a relationship is unhappy that tends to spoil things for both of you.

So, you both need to make time to do something just for yourselves.  It could be reading a book, a fitness class or trying out the latest recipes from Bake-off – just do it and let your partner do the same.  If he wants to go to the match with his mates and you’d rather spend that time shopping with a girlfriend then that’s great!

Manage your money

This may not sound the most exciting thing in the world but one of the biggest sources of stress and arguments in a relationship tends to be money (or shortage of!).  This can be especially awkward for those who are adjusting to the realities of sharing their lives and their finances, not made easier by the fact that planning a wedding is expensive and involves lots of money decisions. 

Make a resolution to get on top of things.  Part of this is about making a list of your regular joint outgoings then comparing this to your joint incomes.  You’ll also want to add in a budget for your wedding and work out how you are going to manage it all. Having a clear idea of your situation is a lot less stressful than sticking your head in the sand then landing yourselves with some unpleasant surprises.  What you ideally want is a clear picture and a plan that enables you to start saving for some things you’d really like – then the finances become exciting and actually bring you closer together. 

Set some long term goals

Following on from the last point, setting a few long term goals is a great idea.  It could be that you decide to work towards a dream home, visit a particular country or start your own business together.  Whatever it is this will give you a sense of purpose, something to aim, that brings you together for years to come. 

We’d love to hear from you in 2020

Setting New Year resolutions is personal – so beyond sharing these ideas we can’t really give you any more help.  When it comes to the planning your wedding part, however, the team at Clevedon Hall has a wealth of experience.  Whatever questions you may have, or dilemmas you find yourself facing, our expert advice will prove invaluable – so get in touch!